Requesting and Providing Feedback
September 2024
Feedback is an essential tool for growth and development in both professional settings and personal relationships, yet there is so much unproductive feedback out there. Successfully giving and requesting feedback requires finesse and mindfulness. It helps to keep these tips in mind to enhance your feedback skills, ensuring that both the giver and the receiver can benefit from the exchange.
Requesting Feedback Effectively
When seeking feedback from another person, plan and communicate what you are looking for. Clarity and specificity are important, as ambiguous requests can lead to vague or unhelpful responses. Here’s how to set the stage:
Be Specific and Proactive: Share an area you are specifically looking to improve and the ways in which you are working on that skill. Then identify an upcoming opportunity where you plan to demonstrate those skills, asking for feedback from the other person in advance so they can be mindful and take note of how you come across. For instance, instead of asking, "How did I do in that meeting?" after the fact, you could proactively say before the meeting, "I’m working on my presentation skills, especially in sharing data effectively. Could you let me know after tomorrow’s meeting how I was at sharing the data?"
Set Parameters: Define the scope of the feedback. Specify whether you want detailed analysis or just general impressions. For example, instead of leaving the level of feedback at the discretion of the other person, share your expectations: "In particular, I'm looking for detailed feedback about how clear the datapoints were and how concisely I explained the information. If you could share examples illustrating what I did well and what I could improve in that regard, I would appreciate it.”
Ask for Perspectives: Encourage different viewpoints. Ask your peers, supervisors, or even subordinates to share their perceptions of the same topic or interaction. Each perspective can offer unique insights that contribute to your overall improvement.
Providing Feedback Productively
Giving feedback is also an art, one that requires sensitivity and tact. Constructive feedback can motivate and inspire, while poorly delivered feedback can discourage and frustrate the receiver. Here’s how to give feedback that fosters growth:
Know Your Intention: Be very honest with yourself about why you are providing feedback. If the other person requested specific feedback from you, you have their permission to share your thoughts in a respectful way.
Or, if you have a trusted relationship and are invested in the other person’s growth, you can ask to share your feedback in a specific area: “In today’s meeting, I noticed some ways to potentially improve how you are presenting the information you share. May I share my feedback with you?” The key here is to be okay with them saying no in response, and to let that go.
It’s important to be clear with yourself why you want to share the feedback especially if the other person has NOT directly asked for your feedback. Honestly, many times it’s best and appropriate to keep your observations to yourself. If you find yourself eager to share your insights because YOU want something about the other person to change rather than THEM indicating they are working on something or are striving for more self-awareness, sharing your thoughts will likely result in frustration on both sides.
Use “I” Statements: Frame your feedback from your perspective. Instead of saying, "You were unclear in your presentation," try, "I found some parts of your presentation difficult to follow." Then provide specific examples of how you received the information.
Be Descriptive, Not Judgmental: Focus on describing the behavior and its impact on you rather than making judgments. Focus on the behavior or situation, NOT the person. For instance, instead of saying, "You’re always interrupting people," you could say, “When you interrupted me during the meeting, I felt my contributions weren't being valued.”
Balance Positives and Negatives: Strive to provide both positive feedback and areas of opportunity. Highlighting what the person did well can make them feel seen and more receptive to suggestions for improvement.
Ask to Offer Solutions: When pointing out developmental areas, inquire if they’d like you to suggest any practical solutions. This shows that you are invested in their growth and willing to support them, especially if they are uncertain what to DO with the feedback you just shared.
Mastering the art of requesting and providing feedback can significantly enhance your relationships. By being proactive, setting clear parameters, sharing specifics, and approaching interactions with empathy and clarity, you can turn feedback into a powerful tool for continuous improvement. Embrace feedback as an opportunity for growth, and watch as you and those around you flourish.
